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The metaphysics of condiments

The metaphysics of condiments

From the pseudonym of “Gutbloom” comes this humorous attempt to rank condiments according to their divinity; inspired by the “neo-platonic metaphysic” of St. Augustine, the author explains what, precisely, makes mustard the holiest of holies, and mayonnaise suitable only for the Princes of Hell.

Poking fun at modern “listicles” and other web rankings, the author explains why they’ve ordered the list from top to bottom:

I’ve listed it from highest to lowest. Traditionally, it would be listed from lowest to highest. That’s because preceding generations generally started with what they knew and worked up. Today, we’re obsessed with who’s on top, and I didn’t want to confuse anyone.


The entire article is available on Medium, where you can learn just where Taco sauce ranks, and how fuzzy the science of neo-platonic metaphysics really can be.

Did you enjoy this tongue-in-cheek take on theology?

Posted by David Streever


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