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Montana RC church tells gay couple to divorce

Montana RC church tells gay couple to divorce

While people are feeling warm and fuzzy about Pope Francis’ apparent inclusivity, a Roman Catholic parish has told a gay couple who have been together for thirty years to divorce and break up or else they cannot receive communion in the parish they’ve attended together for 11 years.

Frank Bruni wrote about the story in the New York Times. Andrew Sullivan has interviewed the couple.


In Montana, a gay couple who have been together for more than three decades have been told that they’re no longer really welcome in the Catholic parish where they’ve been worshiping together for 11 years.

This happened last month, in the town of Lewistown. By all accounts, these two men, one of them 73, the other 66, had done no one any harm. They hadn’t picked a fight. Hadn’t caused any particular stir. Simply went to Mass, same as always. Prayed. Sang in the church choir, where they were beloved mainstays.

There was only this: In May of last year, without any fanfare, the men had traveled to Seattle, where they had met and lived for many years, to get married. And while they didn’t do anything after to publicize the civil ceremony, word eventually leaked out.

So in early August, a 27-year-old priest who had just begun working at the parish summoned them to a meeting, according to local news reports. And at that meeting, he told them that they could no longer be choir members, perform any other roles like that or, for that matter, receive communion.

If they wanted those privileges restored, there was indeed a remedy, which the priest and other church officials spelled out for them over subsequent conversations. They would have to divorce. They would have to stop living together. And they would have to sign a statement that marriage exists only between a man and a woman.

Translation: Renounce a love fortified over 30 years. Unravel your lives. And affirm that you’re a lesser class of people, barred from the rituals in which others blithely participate.

Here is the KULR-TV report of the situation.

KULR-8 Television, Billings, MT

Andrew Sullivan writes:

If the church upholds this kind of decision, it is endorsing cruelty, discrimination and exclusion. Pope Francis’ view is that this is exactly the kind of thing that requires the church to exercise mercy not rigidity. But allowing a married gay couple to sing in the choir as an act of “mercy” would merely further expose the fragility of the church’s thirteenth century views of human sexuality. It would put the lie to the otherness of gay people; to the notion that it is essential or even possible for a tiny minority to live entirely without intimacy or love or commitment. It also reveals that gay men have long been a part of the church – and tolerated, as long as they lied about their lives and gave others plausible deniability with respect to their sexual orientation. It is an endorsement of dishonesty.

None of this is compatible with the core moral teachings of the church – about fairness, truth, compassion, forgiveness, mercy and inclusion. And this is clear to large numbers of Catholics – especially the younger generation who will rightly view this kind of decision as barbaric and inhuman. There is only so much inhumanity that a church can be seen to represent before its own members lose faith in it. I recall the feelings of my own niece and nephew who lost a huge amount of respect for the church when they heard a homily denouncing the civil marriage of their own uncle. I notice the outcry among Catholic high school students when a teacher was fired for the very same reason. When a church responds to an act of love and commitment not by celebration but by ostracism, it is not just attacking a couple’s human dignity; it is also attacking itself.

What was once a blemish can become a defining wound. It has split one small parish. It may slowly wreck the whole church.


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What’s your point, JoeB? Are you defending compulsory divorce?

JC Fisher

Ann Fontaine

The Rev. Jean Collins of St. James Episcopal Church in Lewistown described the current controversy as a good opening for discussion and education about same-gender relationships and LGBT inclusion within the broader community. “Almost everybody knows somebody or loves somebody who is LGBT,” Collins said, “but it’s not something that’s always talked about a lot, particularly perhaps in Lewistown. So it may be a good opening for that to happen in that community, and in individual churches and other civic organizations.”

Ann Fontaine

Dottie Fuller and Gil Grady had the experience of being denied communion in the Episcopal church -even tho they served on the Vestry and sang in the choir. Diocese of San Joaquin, in the gold country town of Placerville They have been married 45years now. A luta continua…

Jim .meriden

“There is only so much inhumanity that a church can be seen to represent before its own members lose faith in it.”

….as I have done after living in the Roman church for 65 years. The Rector and people of the Episcopal church have welcomed me very enthusiastically; Rector said, “we get a lot of Roman Refugees.”

Chris H.

The requirement for divorce is rather interesting since right now Montana doesn’t recognize or have gay marriage so legally, they aren’t married here, and can’t get divorced unless they go back to Seattle. Another couple tried to divorce in MT and was denied since what doesn’t exist can’t be dissolved. The Great Falls (MT)Tribune quotes at least one of the men as willing to sign that “marriage” is between men and women as he prefers other terms for gay unions.

I haven’t heard whether this priest allows divorcees communion or not. The local TEC and ELCA churches have been falling all over themselves and each other to welcome the couple to their churches.

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