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Love and Longing

Love and Longing

Two Poems by Matthew Howard


Chariot of Fire

Everyone is drawn to fire
To light in the dark
To dance and sing
Eat and be warm
The bond around every heart
But who is there that dances in the fire
The seal on every heart
The fire is alive where the lovers dance
Burning chariot of vison and trance
From the blooms of the garden not knowing his name
Then revealed in all fulness the true lover came
Now suspended in the void above the point of blue
Beloved sees within the Lover forgets all she could do

Lover I see looking down
All my yearning on a dot today
Free from all fear and dividing walls
But now they are so far away
Why can’t I feel close when I am?
Why is it so hard to find?
My love, learn to breathe the Air of No Time
It all is because I AM the beginning
The Spirit is eternally free
You cannot feel your heart’s romance
Because you need to learn to dance
That is why I took you on my chariot of fire
To teach you to fulfill your hearts desire
I want to teach you to dance
Oh Lover, I am above
What was built up to the sky
I’ve never felt this fully free
From every brick of the tower and oppressive power
Come and take all of me

Then he put his left hand behind her head

Help lover, I feel I am dead
If I could feel such terror when you are here
How could I ever know anything but despair?
Do not be afraid I AM the beginning and the end
I gave my life unto death safe in my Father’s Wind
Hope in the midst of ultimate despair
Is where perfect love grows
If you lay down your life to take it up again
That is how you breathe my Father’s Wind

Then she felt it in his Father’s Wind
That he was not just with her but within
All her longings were in him
All within him with his Father in the Wind
She was safe and had always been
That is also would always be
In circular time, Eternity



Afraid to see crooked
Afraid to see straight
Where is a place where I can relate?

My Son your tongue could not service that place
It is a promise very sad to waste

Show me Rabbi
Show me now
I have to know where
I have to know how
I have waited so long, braving much wrong
I can’t fight like this my strength is all gone

My Son do you think, I despise limited strength
For in brokenness true power grows
Do not rely on the rage in your eye
In battle it gets a bloody nose
If you keep going when you are weak
Then your heart will grow mild and meek
And you will find what you seek
I will preserve you in time of trial
And your victory no foe will defile
Why are you afraid?

Rabbi there is a darkness inside
That I always try to hide
I am afraid of it being seen
It keeps me trapped within my being

My Son this darkness I know you hate
So, I tell you your filthy rags are dead weight
They are the very thing you dread
They are filthy and dead
If you are afraid of darkness why light too
Light is the only thing that is true
Why are you afraid?

Oh Rabbi, I believe this place is here
But this is the reason for my fear
I have been waiting so long
That I wonder what is wrong
Longing to feel this place inside
So, my full being might abide
But confusion and uncertainty, are a dark and stormy sea

So many things create doubt and worry
Because your mind is in such a hurry
Many things are not good for you
Because only one thing is true
From oppression you are free with you abiding in me
You are not alone for you are not your own
I am yours and you are mine
So, in my righteousness you will shine
In me all things come through
It is not from you
Why are you afraid?

Rabbi your words have answered well all the questions that my mind could tell
You were so right indeed to say
No tongue could service you
There is no way
This is why I need one thing more
On me this blessing pour
I want to always continue to pray
Even as I go through the day
To feel your assurance near
To know deep down that you are here

My Son once I was in such fear
And my Father sent an angel dear
To give me all the strength I would need
To carry out His mighty deed
Now I know the rewards of my suffering
Soon within you they will spring
This is the eternal joy you crave
Life unending conquers the grave


Matthew Howard, is from Gadsden Alabama and a graduated of Jacksonville State University with a BA in Political Science. 


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