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Fifty sure-fire ways to get millennials into church!

Fifty sure-fire ways to get millennials into church!

Here are fifty can’t-fail ways to bring in all those millennials who are just itching to come to your parish!

Guthrie Graves-Fitzsimmons explains it all for you:

Mainline Protestant churches continue to hemorrhage members faster than cable companies lose cord-cutters. How can local churches stem the tide? Before you put these surefire quick fixes into motion, be sure to open the floodgates because here come the millennials!

  • Post-worship coffee hour
  • Move Sunday worship from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m., allowing time for brunch
  • Rebrand church with a modern logo
  • Tone down all the Jesus-talk
  • Commit to biannual website updates
  • Remove all crosses from sanctuary
  • Hold a churchwide conference on church growth
  • Preach shorter sermons
  • Sell naming rights for various Sundays during ordinary time to local businesses
  • Serve coffee before and after Sunday worship
  • Hold Bible study in the local pub
  • Serve fair-trade coffee
  • Keep the church’s finances afloat by selling “air rights” to luxury condo developers
  • Ask your pastor to get highly noticeable tattoos
  • “Relax” marketing campaign targeting busy single mothers
  • Raffle away iPads

Read the rest here.

What are your favorites? What would sure-fire approach would you add to the list?

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JoS. S. Laughon

I can assure you right now there are bishops reading this taking notes.

Anne Bay

As the mother of a “millennial” I did not find this article amusing in any way. Generally speaking, as a life-long Episcopalian I have found that being satirical or humourous is not a strong point among church members. It’s best left to professional comedians. I have to agree that nothing is gained by making fun or poking fun at a particular group or individuals. I can testify the challenges that my daughter faces are huge, and she has managed to take on these challenges bravely and immense courage.We are living in a time of one hurdle after another for these young people! I think it would be better to try and discover how this age person is handling the many challenges they have faced and are facing rather than attempt satire. I can testify that my daughter takes life extremely seriously yet is the first person to want to have fun and enjoy life, but it’s not easy.

Ann Fontaine

this was not aimed at Millennials but at the church that does not take them seriously but tries gimmicks.

Jon White

I’m sorry you don’t appreciate satire, but Again, the point of the article is to show that the church (broadly speaking) doesn’t take the reality of people like your daughter seriously but instead relies on tired tropes and lame stereotypes while believing it is reaching out to them. The intent of this satire is to urge the church the change, not young people.

Alan Christensen

Some of the things listed are not bad ideas per se. I think, though, that when churches make a change as a gimmick without it being true to their character as a congregation, it’s doomed to fail.

Gwen Palmer

I’m waiting for the Cafe to cover a story I saw a couple days ago, in which a UK Bishop likened a new service for godparents, with sports-event arm gestures and finger waving, to a game of Bingo. This piece sounded pretty satirical to me, until I saw that story!

Eric Bonetti

And there are some excellent points to be derived from the satire. I mean, how many clergy claim to be “mission-focused,” but haven’t updated their Facebook page in six months?

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