How to write a truly awful worship song

Following up on how to lead mega-church worship Stephen Altrogge, writing at Blazing Center, tells you how to write an awful worship song:


So you finally learned to play the guitar and now you’re wondering, “How do I write a truly awful worship song?”

You’ve come to the right place my friend. Here are some sure fire ways to write a truly horrible worship song.

Recycle A Love Song.
Write a song for your girlfriend. When she breaks up with you, convert it into a worship song. Be sure to change all uses of “girl” or “baby”.

Use Time Tested Rhymes.
Make sure that you rhyme “love” and “above” at least twice. The song becomes doubly awful if you can also incorporate the word “dove”. Example: “You sent your love from above, makes my heart feel like a pure white dove.” You get the point.

Read about his other suggestions including:

Be Vague About Your Theology

Make the Song All About You

Be Incredibly Poetic

Use Well-Worn Musical Progressions

Defend Your Song Like It’s Your Firstborn Child

What else would you add to the list?

Posted by Ann Fontaine on May 15, 2010 3:00 PM | |
Comments (7)

I remember when Tammy Faye Baker changed one word in the Love theme from An Officer and a Gentleman. Lord lift us up where we belong was her version. Which word do you think was changed?

Posted by Susan Hedges [TypeKey Profile Page] | May 15, 2010 3:21 PM

Sorry, but I spelled Bakker wrong!

Posted by Susan Hedges [TypeKey Profile Page] | May 15, 2010 3:22 PM

Use the wejus phrase. As in "We just want to...". Or make it incredibly repetitive.

Of course, if you wanted to write a bad hymn you could make it hard to sing, put in words no one knows what they mean and make it 8 verses long.

Take your pick!

Posted by Tom Sramek, Jr. [TypeKey Profile Page] | May 15, 2010 5:01 PM

Tom - like some in the hymnal.

Posted by Ann Fontaine [TypeKey Profile Page] | May 15, 2010 5:35 PM

Don't spend any time exploring the images you use. Just throw them into the song. Don't help the singer understand what you mean through the combination of words and music.

Better yet, make an abstract point using no metaphors or images at all. Keep the singer at a distance from the meaning you intend, and make sure there is no way that anyone could form an emotional connection of any kind to the words or music.

Posted by Mary Caulfield [TypeKey Profile Page] | May 15, 2010 6:20 PM

That was my thought, Ann.

Posted by Däˈvēd Äyān [TypeKey Profile Page] | May 15, 2010 6:37 PM

Mine, too, Ann! I think that _any_ form of music can be either an asset or a liability to worship.

Posted by Tom Sramek, Jr. [TypeKey Profile Page] | May 16, 2010 1:31 AM

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