The Lead

How do we care for introverts? Jonathan Rauch writes about this "little-undertood group" in The Atlantic:

Caring for your introvert
The habits and needs of a little-understood group
From The Atlantic online

Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good social skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes. Now I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends, and colleagues. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts. It pays to learn the warning signs.

What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say "Hell is other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.

Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: "I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses."

Comments (10)

As an introvert myself, I find this deliciously affirming. Thank you!

Mary Worley

Posted by MaryRW | September 14, 2011 1:11 PM

Thank you for this post. Now, perhaps, we introverts will be better understood.

Posted by Jim DeLa | September 14, 2011 2:36 PM

It cracks me up when I say I'm an introvert and people reply, "Oh, no, you're absolutely not one of those!" And then I have to explain about needing time to recharge. And the person opposite me just looks at me with glassy eyes.

I recently went on a Cursillo weekend (in Spanish no less) and I can tell you, Cursillo is not designed for introverts. Those of us who are introverts suffered some form of meltdown and rebellion halfway through just to get fifteen minutes of down time. (I'm glad I went - I'm just sayin'...) Two hours off for each hour on - absolutely! And it's my responsibility to get it.

Posted by Lois Keen | September 14, 2011 4:54 PM

I don't want to be cared for. I just want to be left alone.

Posted by Linda McMillan | September 14, 2011 7:22 PM

This is a two-way street, folks. As the only extrovert in a family full of introverts, I wish my folks would try to understand ME! I get that they need time alone--and I've got no problem giving it to them. But I can't tell you the amount of flack I've taken for wanting to be involved in the community or for truly needing to be with other people.

I thank God every day for the extroverted dog. At least he "gets" me....

Posted by Paige Baker | September 15, 2011 12:07 AM

Adam S. McHugh has written a book called "Introverts in the Church." He talks about both the difficulties and strengths of having introverts as church leaders, and offers tips on making introverts more comfortable in a church setting.

After many years of feeling as though there was something wrong with me and that I was hopelessly anti-social, it was a relief to find a book like this.

Posted by Maryse Quinn | September 15, 2011 9:20 AM

I'm a card carrying introvert who gets the "you can't possibly be one of those lines all the time." To be fair my Myers Briggs shows me closer to the middle on the I/E rather than all the way to the I side. Having worked in the highly extroverted media field and now in ministry, I have, for much of my life, convinced myself that I could be an extrovert, without damage. In recent years, I have learned that is not possible. As I come to understand what it is to be an introvert, in an extrovert world, I am learning more and more how to put in place the things I need to be well and balanced. Affirmations, such as this article, are important along the way

Posted by Keith Nethery | September 15, 2011 9:45 AM

According to the new "style" guidelines from 815 - "The blue and red in the shield are bold and bright. This reflects our extroverted personality trait." So much for introverts and TEC.

Posted by Ann Fontaine | September 15, 2011 4:16 PM

Oh Ann, I had no idea! That made me laugh.
So we introverts are the red in-between?

Posted by Lois Keen | September 15, 2011 7:29 PM

That would be "So we introverts are the white in-between?" (long day)

Posted by Lois Keen | September 15, 2011 7:30 PM

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