The Lead

Regular Daily Episcopalian essayist, Ellen Painter Dollar, has written an article at Her.meneutics blog exploring the question of occasionally skipping church:

Confessions of a Church-Skipping Mom
Is it better to attend church burnt out and stressed, or occasionally stay home but miss corporate worship?
By Ellen Painter Dollar posted at "Her.meneutics" blog

A few years ago, such a lax attitude toward church attendance was unthinkable to me. We were die-hard churchgoers, in the pews every Sunday barring illness or vacation. But being a die-hard means that you are given jobs, and when you do those jobs well, you are given more jobs. Sunday worship ceased to be a time of renewal; it was work. When we joined our current parish two years ago, I was determined to be more deliberate and cautious about volunteering. Being less involved makes Sunday mornings more enjoyable, but it also makes it easier to skip Sunday services altogether because we have fewer responsibilities.
Our kids are thrilled when we take a Sunday off. But our newly relaxed attitude toward church attendance raises important questions: Are we modeling a nebulous spirituality, teaching our kids to pick and choose from among religious practices while rejecting anything that requires real commitment? Is it possible to engage in life-giving, sacrificial commitment without falling into energy-draining, resentment-breeding burnout? Perhaps most important: How do I instill faith in my children, and how important is church attendance in that endeavor?

A living faith requires both communal obligations and private disciplines. We as a family pray before dinner, read Bible stories, and teach the religious meaning of major holidays with traditions such as Advent candles and Lenten mite boxes. When one of my kids is struggling with disappointment or fear, I offer prayer as the best thing to do when you don’t know what else to do.

Comments (6)

Is it possible to engage in life-giving, sacrificial commitment without falling into energy-draining, resentment-breeding burnout?

This is perhaps THE question that the twenty-first century church needs to confront. As those who attend church out of habit or obligation either leave or, more often, die, younger generations are repeatedly asking the question "How can I increase what is life-giving and decrease what is life-draining in my life?" Often they are wondering into which category the church fits.

There is a certain amount of thankless work or drudgery that goes along with simply keeping up institutional and physical structures. Money has to be budgeted and tracked, buildings have to be maintained, altars have to be prepared for worship. The challenge is to both see the purpose behind the projects (i.e., enabling ministry) while also seeing that even the most mundane chores can be done prayerfully.

Posted by Tom Sramek, Jr. | July 1, 2010 3:30 PM

Beautiful sentiment, Tom!

Peter Carey+

Posted by petermcarey | July 1, 2010 9:07 PM

I completely agree with Tom. After so many years as a minister's child who felt that the church demanded more and more out of me, it's a relief to come into a service and feel filled spiritually for an hour.

Now I'm the type who feels "off kilter" if I don't go in for Daily Prayers or Eucharist during the week. It makes Sunday feel like it takes too long to get here.

Posted by Laura Finger | July 1, 2010 11:39 PM

Going to church every Sunday is becoming less and less the pattern for most - how can those of us responsible for Sunday services help those who come once or twice a month? Or do you think that is caving in to culture?

Posted by Ann Fontaine | July 2, 2010 9:00 AM

I certainly understand the struggles that others go through and try not to be judgmental about it. We have two children and one of them has special needs.

Nevertheless, I'd hold out that participating in the Eucharist on Sundays and other holy days is not optional. It's right there in the baptismal vows and when I catechize I spell out what continuing in the apostles teaching and fellowship, in the breaking of bread and in the prayers means in practice.

My wife and I are both priests, so we really don't have the option. But I don't think we would skip it if we could, unless we were sick or something. It's a question of priority setting. If we really believe in the real presence of Christ, I don't think we'd ever miss out on that.

Posted by Bill Carroll | July 2, 2010 12:00 PM

As an active layperson who raised two children over the last two decades, I've never considered assisting at Sunday mass an optional responsibility for a Christian. In fact, we always built our Sundays around church and sabbath time.And what about vacation? Some of my greatest spiritual revelations have occurred when visiting a parish across the country or the world. I would never impose my practice on others, but, given a chance, it might just be a counter-cultural move that works.

John Donnelly

Posted by John D | July 2, 2010 1:59 PM

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