This is an issue we have struggled with for many years. When we lived in the Chicago suburbs, there were many sports (Pops Warner football being the biggest offender) that had practices and/or games every Sunday morning. For those activities, we just said no.

However, there is a big difference between tournament games and weekly practices or league play. First, tournament games, by necessity, have to be jammed into a weekend to get all the teams in all the divisions to play and to allow time to travel, sometimes at great distances. Second, earlier morning games mean that the players are exposed to less sun and heat, which is a big problem in most places in June, July, and August. Third, we've always found soccer teams where the coach and the players are committed to churchgoing, which means when we travel, often a group of us go together to church somewhere, often a Catholic mass on early Saturday evening. We don't skip church for the sake of soccer -- we get to visit churches we might not otherwise attend and, for some of us, get exposed to different faith traditions. If we are at home and have a late Sunday morning practice, we go to early mass, again seeing people we don't usually see when we attend the main service.

Perhaps the most difficult problem with commitment to any activity, whether it be sports or music, is that often parents want to disrupt the entire team's plans at the last minute due to things the parents would rather do, including family get togethers. Being part of a team does mean making some sacrifices and everyone has to make their own decisions as to what are acceptable as far ahead as possible. That is why it is best to check with the coach at the beginning of the season to see which dates are non-negotiable, so he or she knows who is available for tournament play. To leave the rest of the team in the lurch, missing key players, when they have worked hard all season, does not bear witness well to anyone.

Now, it is true that some people need to be flat out told which dates are not doable (yes, one has to spell out Easter, Holy Week, etc. -- we were once taken surprise when a local indoor soccer center decided the week before Holy Week to hold our team's league championships games on Maundy Thursday -- which we did not attend), but ordinarily if one informs the team manager or coach ahead of time, as well as other families, then one can make a stand and say no and make a point to both one's children and the rest of the team. We have done that before and I'm sure we will do it again. But if one truly believes there is any value to youth sports, I think it makes more sense to witness right there in the middle of the activities, having others see one go to church during busy tournament weekends and inviting others along. Anyway, that's what we finds work well for us.

K Jensen

Right On! Jennifer, this is a battle I've been fighting for decades, both as parent (with kids involved in soccer and then later involved in marching band competition) and as a parish priest. I've even done parish adult education presentations on the lasting beneficial effects of an early and strong faith commitment vs. the ephemeral benefits of youth sports competition. (There's plenty of research out there to firmly support the proposition that our children are much better off in college and later life if they go to church on Sundays instead of the soccer field!) Alas....

But keep it up. "On this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the soccer stadium will not prevail against it."

On the one hand, I am sympathetic. On the other hand, I think we need to consider the possibility that we are losing people to SUnday morning sports because sports is giving htese children something that the Church is not, that indeed they may be learning what the Church would like to teach them in a more compelling way on the playing field than in Sunday School or in the youth group.

It's all about peer pressure. There's no analog currently present in the church that says if you're not there you will be letting down the group (or if you're not there this time you won't be a full member in the future). Such is grace.

Jennifer, I believe you were right to pass on the Sunday morning game. Perhaps with a few more witnesses, the leagues would not schedule Sunday morning games.

From what I have seen of some junior sports, they take over the lives of the kids to the extent that everything else - for them and for their parents, too - revolves around the games.

That seems out of balance to me.

June Butler

Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe Jennifer wrote about tournament play, which typically schedules games on Saturday morning, Saturday afternoon, and Sunday morning, and often schedules semi-finals and finals on Sunday afternoon. The issue, therefore, is not about Sunday morning league play or practices, which occur weekly, but tournaments, which only happen a few times of a year, which, at the height of outdoor soccer season in June and July, are the culmination of an entire year’s worth of training, practices, and league play. Father’s Day is not a religious holiday, not a holy day, but is a secular observance. Many people participate in sports and other activities, are faithful members of church communities, and do not attend church services at their home church every Sunday morning 52 weeks out of the year.

Soccer, music, and other activities can bring children and adults together, foster a sense of community, nurture friendship and trust, instill Christian values – or not. Church can foster community, nurture and strengthen faith, instill Christian values – or not. Sports and Faith are not opposed to one another. Faith should be part of our lives 24/7, and neither faith nor religious practices are limited to Sunday mornings between 8 and noon.

Recently the Café published an article on how our culture tends to isolate youth and prolong their adolescence. This does not happen in the realm of competitive sports. Youth sports, for better or for worse, is not only run by adults, they are involved in just about every aspect of the game. Team parents form an extended family, and each player must respect and deal with all of them, as well as the coaches, managers, referees, and league officials. Unlike their peers, athletes cannot do whatever they want, when they want. They must miss parties, sleepovers, dances, and much “hanging out,” while they train, practice, and compete. If they miss key team events or if their performance is hampered by not getting enough sleep, the right food, or taking drugs or alcohol, their behavior impacts not only their own lives and their fellow players, but many adults as well.

Athletes have to grow up early, arguably even too early. They do not get to be “kids” in the same way as many of their peers. They have responsibilities, they are subject to rules, and they must work and get along with adults in often very difficult, emotion-charged situations. They have to deal with many “unfair” decisions, first and foremost referee calls, rough behavior and taunts from the opposing team, sometimes verbal abuse from spectators on the sidelines, and political maneuvering from those who want to exert power and influence. (Kind of like Episcopal politics?). They need to stay cool under pressure, deal with anger and frustration constructively, learn to accept defeat, celebrate their wins with grace, and establish and stick by their own personal values of fair play and consideration for others.

Of course sports are not more “important” than faith or even religious practices. Conflicts arise not because sports are more highly valued than religion but because some people choose to do other things on Sunday mornings – not just sports, but also staying home to watch t.v, playing golf, working in the yard, going shopping. (Let’s also not forget those who have little or no choice, those who are compelled to work in low-paying service sector jobs and must work on Sundays). Sports is not the culprit, and not all sports or teams have WEEKLY activities scheduled for Sunday mornings.

Clergy who decide to use sports as a scapegoat and penalize parents or children who participate are, I believe, shooting themselves in the foot. Any activity that prevents regular participation in worship and community fellowship and mission is, clearly, something to be discouraged. And for those who are on the Catholic side of the Catholic/Protestant spectrum, regular (at least weekly) partaking of the Eucharist needs to be taught and practiced as essential. But none of that precludes sports.

Our daughter is a PK and currently a member of a soccer team that is a three time State Champion. We are very proud of her and the team, and we do not apologize or defend her participation to anyone in our parish. My husband, the rector, while not a sports fan himself, helps other parents with serious conflicts with sports activities. While he, like most of his colleagues, has no patience with people who drop in and out of activities that require long-term commitment at a moment’s notice, he does work with, for examples, members of confirmation classes so that they can makeup classes or assignments when a major conflict is foreseen (whether it be sports, music, or school) and it is clear that the parents and children are making every effort to comply with the requirements. He also does his best to provide as many weekday masses as possible (on general principles, of course). Nearby parishes, like our many Roman Catholic neighbors, offer early Saturday evening masses, some for the summer months, some year-round.

I understand and appreciate those who feel overwhelmed by popular culture and the pressure we and our children face from those who have no experience with, left alone commitment to, religious life. But too often our response is to retreat and try to insulate ourselves to the point where we sometimes don’t know or understand what is going on the Outside and simplify or demonize what we take at face value as contrary to our beliefs. The Church, apostolic and universal, will not prevail if we confine it to our buildings and monuments and rigid timetables. God is present both within His houses and on the fields of dreams. It’s not where we are on every Sunday morning that counts, it’s whether we do our best to not only keep God in our daily lives but foster church communities that welcome the full breadth of human experience, that do not take attendance rolls, but rather tell people they are missed when they are not present, and give people good reasons for coming back and being there often.

Kathryn Jensen

Excellent response and thoughts, Kathryn and all. I wholeheartedly agree with a couple of the points in particular that you and Jim make:

1) that we need to take a serious look at what people are opting for in lieu of church and ask ourselves what it is that people value that the church has lost account of; and,

2) that the mission of the church goes well beyond the door of any building.

For both of these reasons I started a neighborhood Bible study in my home and always keep the door open to attentive conversations with people about their lives (who might or might not know that I am a priest).

Now, just to clarify my paricular situation in the article: this was not a tournament that culminated a year's worth of practice, etc. That happened last weekend and did not, incidentally, involve a Sunday morning. Further, we always clarify our Sunday morning church commitment up front with any team, etc. that we choose to become involved in. What this was about was a Father's Day tournament hosted by our league where "all-stars" (which ended up being the entirety of our team divided amongst two teams and peppered with players from yet other teams) were selected and had one practice together this past week. We were never informed about the schedule until this past week. It seemed even more frustrating that on Father's Day matches would be scheduled beginning at 8am!

Hence, our decision and our rigidness about it.

Moreover, what I'm railing against is not the occassional tournament or music recital but the league play that calls for kids to be absent on Sunday mornings for entire seasons - and the way that our kids' sports can rule our lives.

Hope that helps clarify my point. At any rate, I am very glad for the conversation and the many good points being raised for thoughtful consideration.

Jennifer McKenzie

Thank you, Jennifer. I'm glad of the clarification because I think the distinction between something like a rec team organization (like AYSO), which pulls together a few players for what they call an all-star game, and a season-end tournament, is important. Please forgive me if I sounded critical -- I've just seen too many people burned too many seasons by those who do not honor their commitments. I didn't expect that was the case with you, but I wanted to speak on behalf of those who might be hurt if someone else picked up your article and decided that the right thing to do was not to show up for a major tournament, after having committed to the team for the season.

I think we can agree that we are all torn in too many directions and that it can be tough to create breathing space, for ourselves as individuals, married couples, and the entire family, as well as time to worship, pray, and serve others. A real sabbath, a day which closes stores, schools, theatres, and playing fields, would be a wonderful thing. But in our current world where many people work all different hours and days of the week and just about every activity and business imaginable is open, we'd have to ban far more than sports to reclaim even part of a day. For our team members, many of whom have parents who work in factories, hospitals, police forces, some on night shifts, many of them Roman Catholic and attending Saturday masses, family time is time they spend with their children at sports events. I think their witness needs to be included in the conversation, as well as what I've seen elsewhere, which is suburban Episcopalians who think nothing of keeping their kids from church and Sunday School all fall for football (and then maybe winter for basketball, spring for baseball, etc.). We can certainly agree that is a problem, not just for pastors, but for everyone.

Kathryn Jensen

I, too, have been plagued by this question. It seems to me since physical education is part of the secular curriculum that tournament games should be scheduled during regular school hours.

Carol Luther

This would be a good question for when I come to have a family some day. After all, I am a big sports fan myself. I would watch football, baseball, basketball, and even golf. So, most likely, sports would be a part of my kids. In other words, I could be facing this very question myself.

My take would be... I would let them know that God gives them the physical gifts that they have. So, I think it would be only fitting if they come to his house and worship every Sunday. Physical skills will eventually decline through time, but faith will not. No matter what, I will make my kid(s) sit out.

Meanwhile, I think this article should be sent to junior sports leagues nationwide and sports networks nationwide. In fact, I think this would be a good topic for ESPN's Behind the Lines show.

- Bill Wong