Daily Episcopalian

By LeeAnne Watkins

Part 1: Knock on the Door

I’ve got a difficult thing to do tonight.

It started a few days ago with my neighbors down the street. They have these humongous McCain/Palin signs in their yard, and as they were decorating their yard for Halloween they added their usual assortment of ghouls and ghosties.

But this year one of the ghouls was leaning over the McCain sign, holding the severed head of Barack Obama.

My son Shyam and I saw it at the same time, and while I was shocked, he went straight to outrage. “That’s a death-threat to Obama! We have to call the police!” I mumbled something about Halloween being different somehow, and he just looked at me in a puzzled way. Then I mentioned free speech, but he said, “free speech doesn’t include death threats, does it?”

We’ve been talking about it for days, both of us deeply disturbed in a way that gets a little worse as each day passes. We have been wondering what to do, if anything. Calling the police didn’t seem right. Shyam asked his godmother Lisa for advice, and she suggested that he talk with the neighbor and explain how the display makes him feel. Shyam brought it up with his teacher and classmates, but although I hear the discussion was good, they didn’t have any satisfying suggestions about what was to be done. In the end, he and I talked about exactly what we want say, and not say. We agree that I’m the one to deliver the message. So tonight I go to knock on the door of a neighbor I barely know, and without any smooth segue, try to explain what effect their display has had on us.

As I’ve been imagining how I might have this conversation in a way that brings out our best selves, I might try to explain what it is like for my son, who they have never really met but surely have seen. I will tell the neighbor what I overheard my son tell his friend Colin this morning as we drove past the Barack head on the way to school: “It looks like me, doesn’t it?"

You see, my son has dark skin, and black eyes, and black hair, and in that mask he saw a version of himself.

How difficult it must be to be one of the only kids of color in his suburban grade school. There are layers of depth to the experience he must be internalizing about growing up dark in an almost exclusively caucasian Minnesotan town. I intellectually know that Shyam’s not being white puts him at a disadvantage in our world. I know that given the lynchings in Minnesota’s history, and the continued violence toward people of color, that his race will always be a factor in his safety. I’ve known that in my head, but I’ve never felt that deep chill like I did this morning, when Shyam recognized that this level of ugliness is real, right on our street, against him more than the other boys he plays baseball with.

It made me cry a little on the way in to work today. I want to be a good mother of an inter-racial family, and on days like this I feel so ill equipped. I wonder if I should move into St Paul where there are more people that look like him, where there would be more safety in numbers. But that’s an illusion too, isn’t it, the safety in numbers. So what do I do, to make the world a better place not just for all people of color all over the world, but for my boy, on my street? I will knock on the door.

But I fret over how that might go. I have imagined them yelling at me, thinking me a left-wing whacko, giving me a lecture on free speech, on how I ought to mind my own business and not try to control what other people do with theirs. I worry that they will argue that it is simply a joke, a little Halloween fun and I’m making too much out of nothing. Maybe they are right.

But no, they are not right. There are consequences to free speech, and this one has offended and frightened my family. The mother bear in me has been aggravated.

In my best imagining for this conversation, the neighbors quickly apologize, saying they never thought about the implications of their Halloween joke for the dark-skinned boy down the street. At the very least I hope they take down the decapitated Obama head. But I would also hope that they could reach out to Shyam in some way that builds relationship, that strengthens rather than frays our little attempt at a neighborhood community. I guess I’m looking for transformation, on our little street, just this one actual street, changed to look more like the Reign of God. In my best imagining this is how racism is washed away, each of us gathering up our courage to influence the tone of our common life, one difficult conversation at a time, face to face, neighbor to neighbor.

I’m used to preaching on this theme, but I’m embarrassingly anxious about moving my feet to make it so. But I believe in the whole Reign of God thing. I believe that bit about God’s will being done on earth as it is in heaven. I do believe in the example of Jesus as a guide in making that so. So tonight I will knock on my neighbor’s door. I will say my prayers for courage and for the right words and for the Holy Spirit to move between us. I will pray for a better world, for all of us, but especially for Shyam, who will be watching.

Part II: “Tell your son it’s only a mask.”

It was the height of awkwardness. I knocked on that door, stomach in knots, and was nicely invited in to the living room to have a seat. I explained that my goal was only to be a good mom, and ask for a few minutes of their time to explain what effect their Obama display has had on my boy. I tottered around my well-rehearsed sentences. They listened. They were surprised to hear about what my son said about how the mask looks like him, and had to spell out that Shyam has dark skin and dark hair. (it is always interesting to me the way in which people see, and don’t see, race).

Then they said: “Tell your son it is only a mask." And: “If we had a body to put under the mask, we would have" and “We never gave it much thought." And then they went on to say how many people have driven by to run up and have their photos taken with big “thumbs ups" in front of it. And how mine is the first negative comment they have gotten, verses the many supportive ones.

The room got silent. I couldn’t stand the quiet and so began repeating myself until I realized the conversation was pretty much over. I stood to go, they continued to sit. I said ‘good night’, and they wished me a good night too, but I felt their hostility as I made my own way out the door.

What happens now? On one hand, I feel I did what I set out to do, which was to speak out against a situation that was offensive to my family, and my son knows that I did. What my neighbor does or doesn’t do with that Obama mask is only mildly relevant at this point. I acted like the mother (and the neighbor, and the citizen, and the Christian) I want to be.

All this leaves some profound questions. Where is the line between free speech and hate speech? Where is the line between speaking out against a perceived injustice and butting in to someone else’s business? Does our history of violence make that headless black man a symbol of something much more sinister, or is it really just a Halloween mask?

So what is next? I’m prayerfully pondering all sorts of options, including doing nothing at all. Or I might speak with my elected representative on our local human rights commission, or the police chief, or the mayor, asking for advice. Maybe I will make a version of this article into an Op Ed piece for the newspaper. I don’t know. But I do know that I still want to make the world a better, less intimidating place for all people, most particularly my son, even here, particularly here, on my street.

The Rev. LeeAnne Watkins is rector of St. Mary's Episcopal Church in St. Paul, Minnesota, and the mother of an adopted son.

Comments (19)

Thank you for sharing this. I think you did the right thing in talking to your neighbors. It took a lot of courage to talk to someone whom I presume you didn't know well--if at all--about something so sensitive. It took even more courage to resist the urge to call a TV news crew or the like without even talking to your neighbor, which is the usual modus operandi these days.

I'm sorry that it didn't turn out better (in the short term, at least), but the world is a slightly better place because you were willing to start the conversation with your neighbors, and because you shared the story so sensitively with the rest of us.

Mark Branch

Posted by Mark | October 17, 2008 1:53 PM

I echo Mark's thoughts. It really did take a lot of courage to go and talk with your neighbors, and whether or not it seemed like the discussion had an effect on them, I imagine it did, at least on some level. I do wonder about your thoughts regarding where free speech ends and hate speech begins....

I think it is commendable that you had a conversation with them, and also that you were willing to write about it here. It seems to me that discourse in our country has not been well-served by the tenor of the national campaign, and ours is a time when we desperately need to have conversations - the real ones, the hard ones, about a wide variety of subjects.

Where does free speech end and hate speech begin? I am not sure, but I am committing it to prayer and to discussion...

Thank you for your post!

Peter Carey+
http://santospopsicles.blogspot.com

Posted by Peter Carey | October 17, 2008 2:28 PM

I think sharing this with your local paper would be the next "knock on the door" step ... because when they said people are having their picture taken with it, with thumbs up, as though a decapitated, assassinated presidential candidate of ANY ETHNICITY is a GOOD THING???? Now it has involved your community at large.

Your approach is far more nuanced and thoughtful than mine would be. I hope you share it with the wider community in which you live.

Posted by Kit Carlson | October 17, 2008 2:35 PM

No, no, and a thousand times no.

Rev. Watkins, with all due respect, be prayerful all you want but what kind of message does that display give to your son as he walks by it every day? And what does your inaction, as prayerful as it may be, show him?

It says he is not safe from violence in his own neighborhood in these United States of America. And it says that you, his mother, cannot and are not doing anything to change that. Your words did not sway your neighbors, and therefore you are prayerfully giving up.

I'm a woman proud of my ethnic heritage, very proud to be biracial, but my darker skin has brought me face to face with racism and violence in this country too many times in my 29 years on this Earth. I am also a historian, and I can trace that racism's tendrils in the prevailing culture.

Do I need to get on my historian lecturing hat and remind you what happens when people stand silent and allow such things to go on in their neighborhood, even if it's a prayerful silence?

Stand up, Reverend. Be the voice for justice, be the voice for peace. Be the prophetic voice and declare "No, no, and a thousand times no!"

The Episcopal Church has an office of Anti-Racism and Gender Equality. If you need help, I suggest calling them up.

Posted by (The Original) Mary Sue | October 17, 2008 3:17 PM

You did a very brave thing--and your son will never forget that you did it.

I have no words to describe my outrage against your neighbors. No matter how much I might dislike a particular political candidate, I cannot even imagine doing such a thing.

At times like these, I am reminded of what a difficult religion Christianity is. When people accuse me, as a liberal, of "picking and choosing" the parts of the Bible I like, I always say: "If I WERE picking and choosing, the first thing to go would be that 'love your enemies' stuff!"

But I will not pick and choose. I will pray that God will change their hearts---and I will pray for you and your son, who must live with people who don't seem to care whom they hurt. May the Holy Spirit strengthen, shelter, and keep you both.

Pax,
Paige Baker

Posted by paigeb | October 17, 2008 3:48 PM

This prompted a long and fruitful dinner table conversation tonight. What we ended up imagining was the parish rallying around this boy, wanting him to feel accepted, and willing to stand up for him. We envisioned a candlelight vigil on the sidewalk, with folks from the parish singing songs from Lift Every Voice and Sing II, and signs that say "Jesus loves the little children" "There is no longer slave nor free, there is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer male and female, for all of you are one in Christ Jesus." "God loves the whole world. No exceptions."

A few nights of this kind of loving, nonviolent witness would probably get the display in question taken down.

Posted by Kit Carlson | October 17, 2008 7:59 PM

In Billings MT when a rock was thrown through a window of a Jewish family who had a menorah in their window - the whole town responded with menorahs in their windows. I pray you will find a community of support for your son and all those who are in danger because of this sort of "joke" and protest the violence it portrays.

Posted by Ann Fontaine | October 18, 2008 12:17 AM

Please don't get me wrong, but I never fully understood the American concept of free speech.

In other contexts (and I'm not saying it's a better thing), such a person could be sued for that.

I lived most of my life at a country where racism sends one to jail with no possibility of bail, and therefore, where the public display of any white supremacy content (and depending on the judge, that can be very strict) is a grave crime. So, when I hear about cases like this and the "curious george obama" I just don't understand...

Posted by Luiz Coelho | October 18, 2008 12:31 AM

I would reach out to other groups to figure out what to do. What about the Jewish community? Surely, not everyone finds this sort of nonsense funny. What about local politicians?

Gary Paul Gilbert

Posted by garydasein | October 18, 2008 7:32 AM

Mary Sue---I take issue with your assessment. Rev. Watkins did what she COULD do, on her own. She went and talked to that couple and told them how offensive their display was.

I agree with other posters that she should consider approaching other community groups, or asking her own parish to take part in some nonviolent protest---but she did NOT sit around and do nothing. In my view, it took more courage to go straight to the neighbors than it does to organize a protest. That they did not respond says something about them, not about her. (Ever heard of blaming the victim?)

Paige Baker

Posted by paigeb | October 18, 2008 8:37 AM

I would take one or more very good photographs of it, preferably digital ones.
Then I would send them to the local television stations and newspapers. I would
accompany the picture with a very strong statement about hate and violence in
_our_ community.

And, yes, I'd send them to the Secret Service, too.

Perhaps it would be pastoral to send them the bishops' letter on racism.

Larry Graham

Posted by old verger | October 18, 2008 8:47 AM

Mother Watkins, God has answered your prayers. She has given you the perfect hook on which to do some consciousness raising about racism in your community, the country and this political campaign. There are plenty of suggestions above on how to do that. Surely there must be an old sermon on racism in the file that could be turned into the perfect op-ed article.

Don't let the racists off that hook or God may hang you on it. Her sense of humor surpasseth understanding.

Posted by Paul Woodrum | October 18, 2008 8:58 AM

LeeAnn, you did absolutely the right thing in talking to the neighbors. Perhaps your words affected them more than you know. You were a fine example to your son about doing the right thing.

Quite a few good ideas about what to do next have already been mentioned. Prayerfully consider them, then do as you think best.

Mary Sue, LeeAnn did not do nothing. She did not stand silent.

June Butler

Posted by GrandmèreMimi | October 18, 2008 9:06 PM

This may sound a little odd, but I hope they keep it up.

I hope in other cities, other displays like this go up.

Because what it will do is expose these people for what they are - racist.

I seriously doubt that such displays would be seen if, say, Dodd had been the Dem candidate this year. Or even Richardson.

So, if people like this continue to display their racism, it will eventually drive people away from that ticket and that party entirely. In fact, it is already happening. Many former Republicans, sick and tired of this racism, have defected to the Libertarian party. Many have changed their party affiliation on their voter registration.

I know of one blogger on another site whose Obama/Biden sign was stolen. She put up another Obama/Biden sign, along with a sign that bespoke a warning: if anti-Obama Republicans continue stealing signs, it means she has to go buy new ones, thus supplying more money to the Democratic Party.

:insert mischevious grin here:

So let the Republicans have their little fun.

It will come back to bite them in the buns in the long run.

Tracie Holladay

Posted by Tracie | October 18, 2008 9:32 PM

I, too, am awed by your courage and your faith.

Since you asked for ideas on what to do next, I will offer this, from the safety of my own home, 1000 miles away:

Matthew 18:15-20

You've already done the first step. Perhaps you already know of some neighbors that would be willing to join you on your next visit.

After that, then comes telling the community. Three different letters to the editor, instead of one. Three different people calling the local TV station, instead of one. And if there is still no response, three reports to the Secret Service, instead of one.

As for me, I will do what I can from here: you have my prayers, including thanks for a glimpse of what one of the ways of doing liturgy in the world looks like.

Peace, and Hope,

Michael Coburn

Posted by Michael Coburn | October 18, 2008 10:57 PM

I was glad to listen to your sermon today (http://www.saintmarysepiscopal.org/stmary/sermons/Sermon_Interrupted.mp3?q=sermons/Sermon_Interrupted.mp3) and to learn that at least the head got a body.

I hope you find God in this moment and in this situation. I hope your parish responded with all the compassion and encouragment one could wish.

I hope Halloween hurries up and is over with!

Posted by Kit Carlson | October 19, 2008 2:53 PM

Kit, thanks for giving that link. It was a great sermon, and well worth the time to listen to it.

May God bless you, Mother Watkins. You were far gentler in your response than I would have been---thank you for showing a different, more Christ-like, way to act in this world.

Regards,
Paige Baker

Posted by paigeb | October 20, 2008 12:24 PM

Free speech only works because people are prepared to react to each other. When we try to create a safe middle class society where no-one bothers or offends anyone, then free speech can become a license for unacceptable behaviour.

Next time, react exactly the same but don't agonise over it. People have to be able to express themselves and do stupid and hurtful things, and they have to hear from those around them when they have overstepped the mark and hurt or upset someone else. How else can we all be human?

Mike

Posted by MikeBennett | October 22, 2008 9:20 AM

Noose makes news. Would be a big deal except it's a white woman in effigy (and it's "art"),

http://cbs2.com/local/Sarah.Palin.mannequin.2.849299.html

Posted by John B. Chilton | October 27, 2008 9:49 PM

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